Perhaps we actually are making progress. Hugh Hefner is dead – not that I wish him any ill, but his passing did engender some reflection – and Harvey Weinstein is en route to some self-prescribed loony bin.
They may be the emblems, but the progress – if there is some – is in the form of the thousands of #metoo ‘s and the reports that sparked them, women and men all over the world coming forward with their stories, some of them long muted.
When I heard the #metoo’s included stories of groping, at first I was bemused (Sister, weren’t we all?), being a woman of a generation where you were routinely humped from behind by some nameless stranger on a subway so packed you couldn’t even turn around to face him.
He wasn’t your main concern. Your main concern was whether you could arrive at work with your hair more or less in place and without any big sweat stains under your arms from riding the Sardines Express on the Lexington Avenue IRT. Because in the world of men where you were lucky to have any kind of job, keeping that job depended mostly on keeping up your appearance and knowing how to keep your mouth shut.
In the world of New York corporate broadcasting, you didn’t get groped most of the time. Sexism, though, was definitely there, suffusing the very air we breathed, determining who got to drink out of a china cup in the board room and who took coffee in Styrofoam from the cafeteria. If you should chance to find yourself in an important meeting, you were in the midst of a verbal game of “keep away.” You might come in with a list of story ideas, and the men would jump right in. But as a woman, just try to make eye contact with the man who’s running the meeting. And if you did get a word in edgewise, it would likely be ignored, and then ten minutes later a man would present YOUR idea, get credit and a big pat on the back.
Like abuse, though subtler and at least physically less painful and dangerous, exclusion was an instrument of control. And both have been in effect, pretty much, as long as we’ve been running the world as a patriarchy.
There, I’ve said it, the P word, and some of the ears in the room have shut down. That’s not what we want, so let’s start over. Everyone keep your voice down. Speak slowly and distinctly. Avoid injecting attitude. Try to sound thoughtful and deliberate. Make eye contact.
Oh, and the gavel? Symbol of order in the court and of whose turn it is to speak, the talking stick.
So here goes. We meet today to discuss some major issues. They include:
- The possibility of nuclear war and how we’ll deal with its aftermath.
- The threat of fascism, here and globally.
Those are my top three. Women’s rights and sexual equality aren’t even on the list, but they are embedded in it. What are yours?
9 thoughts on “#metoo — We’ve come a long way (baby)?”
You have done it again— put to good use to that wonderful wordsmithing mixed with significant portions of sensibility and intelligence, as only you can do. The appropriate mix of humor and street smart, provides that magical balance that avoids pedantry. I cling to âyour wordâ and let it become âmy word,â hopefully not because wisdom eludes me but because I wish I had said it. Thanks for giving words to our ruminating, sound to our thoughts, and definition to our disquieted meanderings.
We must avoid the loony bin at all cost, Harvey lurks.
Cheers, and I mean it!
Blessings on you — you are such a model for all the rest of us!!! XOXOX
I think I understand Lisa to say some progress has happened, but we have not reached the objective. Of late I have gotten caught up in Max Tegmark’s book entitled LIFE 3.0. Max suggests humans will no longer top the intelligence chart within a few decades, and most mortals will no longer have jobs. Perhaps that disruption will change the entire landscape so dramatically we will not recognize the original objective. Generalized artificial intelligence should embrace gender neutrality because it makes no logic sense to do otherwise. Meanwhile, I have been very very happy putting my little retirement nest egg into SHE, a computer run stock fund that favors female run companies. Not gender neutral, but it seems to work great!
Richard, I’m slow getting back to you — it’s been quite a year — but just to say, you would be the very one of all of us to welcome AI … I wish I felt more certain about it. Personally, I would like to see the elephants in charge. But TBC!
Great observation, Lisa.I always enjoy your Word, thx! Beth
Beth, This is a long time coming, my reply. Dealing with family health and a host of other issues, but just want to say thanks, but more important, I LOVE reading your letters in the N-G. You go!
Hi, Lisa, enjoyed reading it. It’d been easy to join the #metoo’s–as you said, what women hasn’t been harassed on the streets, on public transportation, at work. Unless you’re from that generation that wouldn’t set foot on the streets without being accompanied by your husband or a relative. I remember being groped on the streets of Madrid as I walked with my then boy friend; or as I went for a jog around my neighborhood in New Orleans. There’re other memories. Every woman has a story of sexual assault at various levels, but you’re right, exclusion at the work place, patronizing treatment at the car dealership, unfair treatment at the bank… All this doesn’t leave marks on your skin, but have a cumulative effect that hurts deep inside, and make you begin to doubt yourself…
Bravo, my friend. Wonderful piece!
My top three:
The death of this beautiful, life-giving planet
Economic injustice and predatory capitalism
Sending love out to ALL of us
Better late than never — AMEN, my friend!
My current three: Gun control, high school bullying, predatory capitalism.